I am suffering. I am struggling.
I am literally in pain from this heartbreak.
I cannot control my feelings of jealousy.
I cannot help comparing our situation to that of everyone else.
It is petty but it is reality.
I honestly don't how to deal with the range of emotions I am feeling.
I feel like life is moving on without us.
Everyone is starting their families and here we sit.
In the same place we were three years ago.
In the same place we were when I titled this blog.
In the same place we will likely be when the calendar reads 2013.
When will it ever be our turn?
WILL it ever be our turn?
Will I ever get to see myself in the face of a child?
Will I ever get to argue with Ryan about who our child looks most like?
Will we ever get to put ultrasound pics on the refrigarator?
Will we ever get to pick out names?
These are the thoughts that plague me.
They make it difficult to think of anything else.
Sorry if this is incoherent but I need an outlet.
And I think that is what a blog if for, right?
I am literally in pain from this heartbreak.
I cannot control my feelings of jealousy.
I cannot help comparing our situation to that of everyone else.
It is petty but it is reality.
I honestly don't how to deal with the range of emotions I am feeling.
I feel like life is moving on without us.
Everyone is starting their families and here we sit.
In the same place we were three years ago.
In the same place we were when I titled this blog.
In the same place we will likely be when the calendar reads 2013.
When will it ever be our turn?
WILL it ever be our turn?
Will I ever get to see myself in the face of a child?
Will I ever get to argue with Ryan about who our child looks most like?
Will we ever get to put ultrasound pics on the refrigarator?
Will we ever get to pick out names?
These are the thoughts that plague me.
They make it difficult to think of anything else.
Sorry if this is incoherent but I need an outlet.
And I think that is what a blog if for, right?
2 comments:
Honey, Dad and I are here for you both. I struggle for words of comfort, I wish I had the right thing to say that could take the pain away. Our heart breaks for you. We have the same questions that you and Ryan have? It just doesn't seem fair. We will keep the Faith! Your blog is a wonderful place to get your feelings out and those of us who love you understand that need. Just remember that in those times when you see just ONE set of footprints in the sand Jesus is carrying you. We love you and Ryan endlessly!
Love,
Mom
1. Ryan's mom is awesome! Ditto what she said.
2. Why should you try to control feeling jealous? It is a perfectly natural emotion.
3. You need time to grieve and heal. It's okay to do that...for a long time.
4. I wish we could go for a walk, so I could give you a hug and let you get it all out.
5. You are an incredible person, never doubt that.
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