More bad news.

Ryan and I had a follow up with the baby doc this morning.
They did an experiment with estrogen to "plump" up my uterus.
My uterus failed.
The doctor seems to be at a loss as to why this is happening.
To sum up what we learned:
My uterus is not responding the way it should.
It would be a waste of embryos to transfer them to my uterus.
Even if I could get pregnant, I probably could not carry the baby.

So I guess we are going to start looking for a gestational surrogate.
We need to borrow a uterus.
Our embryos are good, just not me.
Everyone please pray that this works out somehow.
We are both feeling lost and confused.

So..

After buying three bags worth of clothing at Old Navy to make myself less miserable.
I have come up with a list of options for the future.

In no particular order.

1. Save money during Ryan's deployment and try to find a "Shared Risk" IVF program that will accept us.
2. Start the adoption process now (the average wait is over 2 years for an infant adoption and the process to get approved is a lengthy one).
3. Try a new treatment using Viagra to try to improve my uterus situation.
4. Find a baby mama (someone to carry our baby for us).
5. Win the lottery and spend the next few years trying different IVF protocols without a care in the world.

I like to have options or else I feel very desperate, so there are the ones I could think of.
If you have any more ideas, please share!

Yesterday was bad.

Ryan and I went to the baby doc yesterday to see how my uterus was reacting to estrogen.
The short answer: not very well.
So the cycle we hoped to do this month has been postponed.

I called my moms to tell them about it and Mom T. said I really ought to talk to my doc about my heart since they said it could be due to poor blood circulation.
So I called my regular doc to schedule an appointment to talk about my circulation, heart or whatever is going on.
They told me in order to schedule an appointment for any heart related topic I would have to go be seen by the acute care clinic first.
So I aborted my "Go spend money to make myself feel better about not having a baby" mission and went to the acute care clinic.
They asked me some questions and said that some of my symptoms could be related to medication I have taken but they would have a nurse check my blood pressure.
So they took me to a hospital bed and told me to sit and then they proceeded to take my blood pressure and pulse which were astronomically high because I was feeling anxious about why I was in a bed.
The doctor comes in and listens to my heart in about 2,300 different spots including my feet and confirms that I have a murmur.
He says not to worry and then he leaves.
Then a guy comes in to take my blood but he misses the vain, so he calls in another guy to try on my other arm.
He misses my vein and somehow gets blood all over my arm.
Then they bring in the EKG machine and hook these cords all over me.
They also hook me to some monitor that has 12 cords and now I am really freaking out.
A third guy comes to get blood from my hand this time and he collapses my vein.
I am in full out panic mode now.
No one is telling me what is going on and so I finally just asked if my heart was going to explode or what.
They said no but they had to wait for my heart rate to decrease and stabilize.
So I called Ryan because when I went to the clinic I thought I would be in and out in 15 minutes and it dawns on me that Ryan has no idea where I am.
He shows up 15 minutes later and is totally freaked out.
We wait another half hour or so listening to the girl in the bed next to me cry and scream about getting an IV.
Then all of the sudden they say, "Okay you can go".
I was told I was having palpitations and I have a murmur.
I will need to go see a speciality doc to confirm.
So yay for freaking me out and then kicking me out.

Grandpa is okay!

I just wanted to let everyone know that my grandpa made it through his surgery!
I haven't heard from anyone that has actually seen him yet but the doctor told my parents everything went well.
They said he may get to go home sooner than expected so that is great news.
I am so happy and relieved to have this surgery behind us!

For future reference!

If ever you awake to hear news of a tsunami hitting Hawaii.
Keep in mind that our home is 843 feet above sea level.
Here is a visual.

Half way done!

I am halfway through the semester!
I finished my first set of 8 week classes this past weekend.
Now I start two more 8 week courses.
I am still taking the three 16 weekers but those are half over now :)

The best part is that I never have to take another art history class again!!!

Graduation.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have decided against coming home for my graduation.
I really wanted to have the whole cap and gown experience but it just doesn't make sense right now.
We had been debating whether or not to make the trip for a while but today was the absolute end to that.
Ryan's been scheduled for training on the Big Island starting the day of my graduation, so that seals the deal.

It would have been super expensive to fly home anyway and we need to save up our money for our frozen cycle.
This really is for the best.
I promise, I will attend my next graduation (if and when that happens).

I'm sorry I won't get to see you guys :(
Love you all!

Bragging!

Today my friend Claire treated me to afternoon tea in Waikiki.
Complete with two pots of tea, finger sandwiches, scones, lemon curd, and sweet treats.
It was a lot of fun, plus I was the most legit one there because I brought a real life Brit with me.

But the best part is that when I got home, Ryan had cleaned the whole house including mopping the floors!
What a good day :)

The eagle has landed.

As of Friday, our emrbyos are the newest residents of Hawaii!

Update, sort of.

Well, I am finishing up my first 8 week courses.
All assignments are due the 13th.
Then it's right into the second 8 weeks.
But that means I am half way down with my final semester, yay!
This also means my house is a mess.
And it is by some miracle my plants are not dead.

Ryan is home from his training on the Big Island.
I still don't see him much because he has been flying like a crazy person.

Mom and Dad Holz booked their trip to Hawaii!
They will arrive on Ryan's birthday (June 7).
We are so excited.
Now if only we could get a trip booked for Mom and Dad Tarver (hint, hint!).

We are having dinner with our neighbors and good friends tonight.
Can't wait, now I dont have to find an excuse to skip out of cooking dinner.

Well, back to (home)work.
Love you guys!