:(

The test came back negative yesterday.
I guess I knew that I wasn't prego.
I am generally very aware of my body.
Eerily so sometimes.
But no matter what I subconciously knew I still had hope.
And it still hurts the same.
I am used to getting these results but this time was worse.
Ryan truly believed that it had worked and he was devastated.
Usually he is the optimistic one but yesterday I has to play that role.
Which was for the best bc this kind of pain can be overwhelming if uncontrolled.
I am trying to stay positive.
I don't want to ruin robins wedding.
It's not fair to make everyone suffer.
Sorry if this blog has spelling errors I'm updating from my phone.
We are on the road headed to okc.

Moving stinks!

Quick run down of our week.

Monday the movers came to pack up all of our "non-temporary storage".
Since we don't know where we are going to live in Hawaii we are sticking to the better safe than sorry approach.
We didn't want to have to be forced to sell things that wouldn't fit into our new house, so off to storage it went.
Called about getting our car shipped.
Found out that we need a letter from Honda saying that we can ship the car to Hawaii.
Called Honda they said "oh no problem it will take 48 hours to get that out to you".
Well, that is not good considering we hoped to ship my car this week.
It takes 30 days to get a car to Hawaii, so I guess we are just out of luck.
Now we are going to have no vehicle when we get there, poopie.

Tuesday the movers came to pack up our "unaccompanied baggage".
This is up to 900 lbs of things that will arrive in 30 days instead of 60.
So hopefully when we get to the island, these things will get there shortly afterward.
After the movers left we went on post and stopped by the vet clinic to make sure everything was ready.
We had to get this special blood test done for the dogs in order to avoid the 120 day quarantine.
The test took 5 weeks to get results and cost $80!
Anyway, they both passed and so I asked what the next step was.
Well, surprise paying more money is the next step.
We found out that the state of Hawaii charges $165 per pet to enter the island!
And if you don't pay that before you arrive, the price jumps to $225 per pet.
YAY!!
Afterward someone from the Army called to tell Ryan that he couldn't take his leave.
Ryan changed his start date for the Blackhawk so that he would be able to go to Robin's wedding.
Everything he has done since he found out the date has revolved around being at the wedding.
So he put in his leave request weeks ago and it was approved.
We were supposed to leave this Saturday for OKC.
Well, the new commander decided that was impossible.
Granted, next week is very busy and important but come on.
He told Ryan that the earliest he could leave was Thursday at midnight (July 1st).
Well her wedding is on July 3rd.
It takes 13 hours to get there.
So basically we would get there just in time for the rehearsal dinner after driving all night.

Wednesday the movers came to pack up everything else.
It takes them all day.
Ryan goes to talk to his commander again and gets a bunch of crap.
Finally gets them to let him leave on Tuesday.
Honda calls and says that they need some more info (thanks for telling me this two days ago!!)
So I fax all the info they wanted.
I fill out all of the paperwork for the dogs to enter Hawaii and mail the money orders.
Sorry bank account.

Today the movers didn't come even though they were supposed to.
Honda calls to say they never received my fax.
I fax it all again.
I call them and they say they can't read it.
I fax it again.
Never get a call back.
So I guess that's on my list for tomorrow.
Along with the movers coming to load all of our boxes and furniture.
Then the cleaning begins.

I will be so happy when we get to Hawaii and don't have to worry about moving for a few more years!!

Sorry for all of the ranting but hey its my blog!

Now for some good stuff.

PUPO fact of the day:
If we are prego, our babies little body will have all of its essential structures on August 6th!

5 more days!

Today has been a horrible day.
I am sitting in the computer lab at a housing office for a neighborhood I don't live in.
If that gives you an indication of things.

I am in a hurry so I will have to vent to you guys later.

PUPO fact of the day:
If we are prego; our babies arms and legs will start forming on July 8th!!

That is just around the corner, how crazy!!

Love you guys.

Please pray for us.

6 days to go!

PUPO fact of the day:

If we are prego, our babies heart will beat for the first time on July 4th!!

Bonus PUPO fact for Janette:

We like the name Zachary for a boy.

We like the name Rylee for a girl.
But we would love some more suggestions.
HINT, HINT!

The movers came for some of our things yesterday.
It is so crazy to think we are finally getting out of here!
They are supposed to come back today too but they are not here yet.
Everything should be out of our house by Thursday!
Then we are moving in with Troy for the remainder of our Bama lives.

Ryan bought me my birthday present last night.

I know it's a month early but we were afraid it might be more expensive in HI.

Here is a pic from the website:

I have the best husband in the WHOOOOOOOLE world.
And that's a fact.

One week down, one to go!

I have officially completed my first week of the two week wait
(or the "2ww" as the infertility community calls it).
So to celebrate my last week of torture I will be posting a fact everyday.
I was googling something or other about IVF the other day and stumbled on a cool website.
It asks you to input your egg retrieval date and it gives you a time line of your pregnancy.
(If you are blessed enough to get pregnant, of course).
I am going to be living by the "PUPO" method for the next week.
"PUPO" stands for pregnant until proven otherwise.
Okay so for my first PUPO fact.

Due Dates!

If we are pregnant with one baby our due date would be:
March 3, 2011

If we are pregnant with two babies our due date would be:
February 9, 2011

If we are pregnant with three babies our due date would be:
January 13, 2011

It's good to be home!!

I am finally home :)
After 2+ weeks living at the Fisher House.
I finally got to sleep in my own bed last night!

Ryan came with two of his flight school buddies down to Biloxi on Friday night.
They didn't get in until around 11:30 which is way past my bed time.
So they went to the casino and I stayed at the FH to get some beauty sleep.
When Ryan came home later that night he woke me up waving a pile of cash on his face.
My first thought was "why in the world did he take all that money out of the atm"??
Then he explained that he went with $20 to spend.
We are not big gamblers obviously.
Or I should say I am not a big gambler and he is a reformed gambler.
(Bad experience in Vegas).
Anyway, he took his $20 to the penny slots.
He said he was down to $15 when he hit some sort of jackpot and won $160!
So he cashed out immediately and went over to the roulette table and then the blackjack table.
At each place he played until he lost once and then cashed out.
He came home with around $180!!
We NEVER win anything at the casino so this is very exciting to us.
And we recouped the money it cost for him to drive his buddies down, buy them dinner and pay their hotel.
Because lets face it, they came to drop him off, not because they really wanted to.

Ryan is completely done with flight school!!!
Now we just have to wait around for graduation.
The movers are coming everyday next week to pack different shipments of our stuff.
By next Friday our house will be empty and we will be on the road to OKC!
We will be there for about a week for Robin's wedding and then it's right back here for graduation.
Then it's off to Hawaii!
We have already been assigned a leasing agent.
So hopefully as soon as we get to the island we can pick a house.

Well I am off to try to bring the house back to normal.
A housekeeper Ryan is not.

Big date!

Our pregnancy test date has been set.
June 28th will be the big day :)
Let the count down begin!
10 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unexpected phone call.

[back story]
When the embryologist called to give us the grades of our embryos last week she said that we had three good embryos and that the remaining four were not doing well.
Therefore, she said we would not have any embies for freezing.
The clinic is very picky about what they will freeze and they have strict criteria.
So Ryan and I made our peace that we would not have any frosties.
We had hoped that we would have some because in our dreams here was our plan.
We would get pregnant with one or two this cycle.
Then a year or two after our first baby(s) we would go back for a frozen embryo transfer.
And of course we would get pregnant again. :)

So today SURPRISE!
The embryologist called and said that we have three embryos that are candidates for freezing!
We didn't even realize this was even an option anymore.
So we are very happy about the news.
The Dr. said that they are all grading as B's which is really good.
So of course we had them frozen.

Meet our embies!

Here is a picture of the two embryos that were transfered yesterday!
Aren't they beautiful??!!
Oh I just love them so much.
I hope they both implant so I can meet them both.

About to head to our transfer!

Oh I am so excited and nervous!
Everyone please say a prayer that our embryos will "stick"!

I am really glad that they make you take a Valium because I need to settle down :)

Embryo Grades!

Dr. S called this morning to give me the grades for our embies.
We have three good ones so those are the grades I got from her.

4 cell grade 4+
4 cell grade 4
6 cell grade 4

The grading scale is from 5-1 with 5 being best and 1 being worst.
When I took the embryology class they said that grade 4 and 5's are optimal.
I am just so happy to have three grade 4's.
If things don't change before today and tomorrow.
Then the first two listed above will be put into my uterus.

Unfortunately, because the remaining 4 embies didn't get very good grades (2's & 3's) they will not be candidates for freezing. So we will probably not have an frozen :(

But I am very happy with the success we have had.
Even with all of the trouble this cycle has had we made it this far with 3 beautiful embies!

Please pray for us tomorrow morning.
They will be putting the embies in at 11am!
I believe that Ryan will get to put on scrubs and be in the room when its done AND we should be able to see them in my uterus!!!

Then the dreaded two week wait (dun dun dun)!

I love you guys!

Fertilization report :)

Just spoke with Dr. S!
She said that of the 10 mature eggs that she injected 7 of them fertilized!!!
She said that was all the info she could give me today but that she would call me tomorrow morning with "grades" for the eggs.
My embryo transfer is set for 11 o'clock on Monday.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

Just a quick update.
We will only have 2 eggs put back in my body.
Even if all 7 are fabulous the embryologist will chose the best two.
If we have more than 2 that are awesome then we will freeze them.
Then if we want to come back at a later date we can have the remaining embies put into my body.
Our Dr.'s are very strict about the number of embryos a women can have.
Anyone under 35 is only allowed 2 and those over 35 can have 3.
They believe (and I agree) that it is wrong to put more than that because having multiples is bad for mom and its very bad for the babies.

P.S. I added an email subscription box per request.
Not sure if it works but you can try it out.
Just enter your email address and it SHOULD email you when I update my blog.
We shall see :)

Egg retrieval complete!

My egg retrieval happened at exactly 10 am.
It is amazing how punctual doctors can be when they are forced to be.
Makes you wonder why they are always making you wait around for them.

Anywho, Dr. P came to see me in recovery and told me that the final count was 13.
He said that 10 of them appeared to be mature and that the others might mature tonight.
We will be getting a call from Suzanne the embryologist tomorrow to give us a fertilization report.
I so hope that all of them fertilized!!!

For some reason I was under the impression that this surgery would be no big deal.
Well, I stand corrected.
I woke up in recovery in the worst pain I have felt in any of my surgeries.
I told the nurse about 22 times I was in pain and finally she gave me morphine.
Then I told her I needed the oxygen mask removed because it smelled bad.
Then I told her to just take it away from me completely because the noise was bothering me.
Then I told her I was cold and needed more blankets.
Guess that set her over the edge because she came back with three blankets and ended up wrapping my head in one, haha.
She then walked over to another nurse and told her I was "high strung".
I thought it was funny, she probably thought I wouldn't remember even if I heard her.
And I am surprised that I did but yes I am apparently high strung.
I guess I was being a bit of a brat, but dang it I was hurting.

Poor Ryan had to drive all the way to Mobile for the procedure and then all the way to Rucker for school.
He wanted to drive back here tonight but I told him to get some rest.
He is so sweet to me.

Okay well that's the story so far.
I love you guys.
Please pray our embryos grow, grow, grow!!

Friday is the big day!

I just gave myself my trigger shot 14 minutes ago.
That means that in 36 hours I will be having my eggs retrieved.
The doctor said that I will likely have 9 eggs.
I was very disappointed when he told me this because a few days before things looked so much more promising.
The drop in my hormones certainly took a toll on my eggs.
My first reaction was to cancel the whole thing and try again some other time.
But then I was reminded that God has a plan.
And that we prayed that my cycle would be revived and it was.
I am going to put my faith in Him and see where this leads.

This is the part of my faith that I really struggle with.
I am not sure exactly how to lean or how hard to lean on God.
I completely believe that He has a plan for me and that I trust Him.
But I don't know if by trusting him I am supposed to whole heartedly believe this cycle will work.
Or if I am supposed to simply trust that in time I will see the big picture.
I don't want to assume too much.
I am not sure if that makes sense at all.
I wish there was a clear cut answer.
Maybe there is and I just don't know it.
If you do, please enlighten me.

In other news, Ryan's last check ride is on Wednesday.
I can't believe flight school is finally over!
It seems like we waited around forever and now it has just flown by.
I am so proud of him!!

Better news!

We just got back from my appointment with Dr. P and my levels are back up!
My follicles have grown as well.
He said that in his opinion we should proceed.
I am waiting for my other dr to call and get his opinion.
Dr. P said he thinks that we will now have our retrieval on Friday.

Thank you for all of your prayers!
And thank you for all of your love.

I see God working all around me.
I don't know if we will get pregnant this cycle.
But I do feel myself growing closer with Him.
And with all of you.
I have never felt so loved by my friends and family as I do these days.

No news is not always good news.

I just got an email from my Janette asking if no news was good news.
Unfortunately, in this situation it is not.
Yesterday we went for my day 11 ultrasound and the one that should have been my last.
And we got some very bad news.
My estrogen levels had dropped and my eggs were shrinking.
I was very, very upset and left the office crying.

The doctors decided to try to "revive" my cycle.
So last night and this morning I took a lot of medicine.
We are going back in at two today to see if it worked.

I allowed myself to have a complete break down for an hour yesterday but now I am at peace.
If the revival didn't work, there is nothing I can do.
So being depressed will do me no good.
I am not sure where we will go from here if we are canceled today but I am creative.
I'm sure I will think of something.

I didn't write down my numbers at the office yesterday so I have no report today.
I was in no shape to write.
I was pretty busy staring at my doctor and crying.

But I will post another blog today about what happens this afternoon.
Please keep us in your prayers today.

Day 9 update!

First of all I have to brag about the beautiful flowers I received when I came home from the doc's today.

Aren't the great? The roses are my very favorite part.

It looks like they are wearing lipstick!

Kari, Jordan and Clara sent them to me along with some really kind words.

You guys are the best!!

Now my boring room has some life.

The flowers have cheered me up so much that I opened all my blinds to let the sunlight in.

Usually I keep the room like a cave.

But not today.

:)

Now for the update about my ovaries.

Lining: 6.7

Left ovary: 13.9, 14.4, 17.4, 13.3, 15.5, 11.2, 18.4, 19.6, 14.6, 9.7
Right ovary: 11.7, 12.4, 13.2, 12.1, 13.6, 12.7,  12.5, 11.7
Estradiol: 1238


So as you can see my follicles have been going crazy over the past two days.
The woman who did my ultrasound said that if we harvested my eggs today I would have 12.
She set my retrieval for Wednesday unless something happens between now and my last ultrasound on Monday.
It is really starting to happen fast now!
My lining is thinner than it has been the past two ultrasounds but my nurse said its because everyone measures differently.
Since I have not been bleeding there is no way I have lost any so she said not to worry.
I will see what Dr.  P says it is when I go in on Monday.

I am going to take a little nap now.
I had to get up early to drive to Mobile for my appointment this morning.
Love you guys!

Thursdays results!

I went to see Dr. P again today for an ultrasound and blood work.
I did not have any trouble giving blood this morning and Kim the head nurse in the lab was very happy about that.
She says she has her eye on me.
Apparently I am a trouble maker, haha.

Here are my results from today:

Lining: 7.7

Left ovary: 12.8, 11.4, 12.0, 13.1, 12.7 and 6 <10
Right ovary: 12.3, 11.6, 10.0, 11.5 and 6 <10
Estradiol: 1070

I am just so pumped about my lining, it still is no where close to thick but it is doing really great!
My follicles are growing at a good pace according to Dr. P.
He slowed down my medicine agian today.
I am not sure if he is doing that because he doesn't want to work this weekend or if he wants to give my eggs time to mature.
I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Surely, he cares only for my eggs and not his social life.
My estradiol level went up but he never called to talk about it so it must be okay.

So there you have it.
In short, things are looking very good.
My stomach looks like there is a volleyball in it.
And my pants are no longer fitting properly.
Oh and my shots are really hurting these days.
I'm up to 3 per day, with the last shot of the day being the worst of all.
I dread bed time :(
But the results are more than enough to motivate me to push through.

I love you guys!

Results from yesterday.

I decided that my mind needed to be put to rest so I walked over to my doctors office today.
I found his nurse and she gave me all the info I needed.
So here it is:

Right Ovary: 11.1 and 6 follicles under 10.
Left Ovary: 10.0, 10.4, 9.9, 10.3 and 6 follicles under 10.
Uterine Lining: 6.4
Estradiol: 546

So basically.
My right ovary has one follicle that is growing much faster than the other but there are 7 total growing.
My left ovary has 4 big ones and 6 little ones but none are to be doubted. They could all grow large enough to retrieve.
So we are looking at a possibility of 17 eggs!! That is really great news!
They said they want 8-15 eggs for IVF so we are looking good!

My lining is already at 6.4 which is a miracle!
I have a lining problem.
This might not seem like a big deal but essentially if my lining is not thick enough they could put 1,000 eggs in there but none would grow because they have to implant and be nurtured by the lining.
So 6.4 is not fabulous but for me it is great. So I am thanking God for that!

And lastly, my estradiol is a tricky hormone.
If it gets too high my cycle will be canceled.
Right now it is right where it needs to be.
I am cycling with a woman that lives in the area.
We met up for breakfast last week and I called her to see how her appointment went.
She said he estradiol is already over 1400 and they are already talking about canceling.
Please send her a prayer.
Her name is Lisa and this is her 7th round of IVF.

I go back for another ultrasound tomorrow.
Then we will see how the medicine change has treated my ovaries.
I can't wait, this is all so exciting!

Love you guys!

Second ultrasound.

This morning I had my ultrasound scheduled for 10am.
I thought I would be an overachiever and go for my bloodwork beforehand since I was awake.
I got the lab at 9am and after waiting 40 minutes my name was called.
The young man who took my blood tied up both arms and proceeded to twist and jab my arms with his fingers.
After settling on the lesser of two evils, the right arm he got out the needle.
It stung longer than normal (as I am now a blood draw expert, thank you infertility).
When he got the second vial attached I lost feeling in my hand.
I was thinking that was super weird but whatever.
He said that the second vial "stopped".
So he whipped out vial three (though three were not needed).
And then that one "stopped" too.
Basically my arm stopped.
So he ran off to the back room to ask if he had collected enough blood for the test.
I guess they thought so because he came back and untied my arm.
I told him that I felt nauseous and he held a gigantic and full of lab trash trashcan to my head.
NIIIIICE. I thought and made a get that out of my face gesture.
He then decided he better prop my legs on the trashcan instead of my face.
Another woman came running with an ice pack that she held to various parts of my body.
She was talking but I couldn't hear her at first because my ears had stopped working.
Then someone shoved a juice box in my face and once I downed it like a fat kid my ears worked again.
She was asking my questions like "what is your name" and "where do you live"?
I was getting very irritated with her, couldn't she see I just wanted to be left alone.
HELLO I am having a crisis here.
The only answers she got was "why?????"
But she went on rambling questions while I tried to close my eyes.
She yelled at me to open them and I told her I needed a tissue.
At this point I am swimming in my own sweat.
No sauna has ever done a better job of giving pores exercise.
After she blotted my face and charged me with holding my ice pack to my chest I started to feel better.
By the end of my "spell" I had an audience of 6-8 people.
They all came to see the sweaty girl drink a juice box I guess.
After that I asked if they had any food for me and they sent me to the coffee stand down stairs for a bagel.

Yeah as you can tell, it was pretty dramatic.

But after that I went to get my ultrasound and when my doc came in I was eating a bagel on his exam table.
I bet I was the first person he ever saw that decided to eat while stripped from the waist down on a gyn exam table.
Anyway, he did the exam and he said I had four large follicles on my left ovary and one large one on my right.
He said this was looking very good.
As he is not someone who gives me the warm and fuzzies I asked no more.
I will wait for my nurse to call me tonight and I will interrogate her.
So if you are just on the edge of your seat about my ovaries you will have to check back later tonight for the complete update.

Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes today.
I brought my blessed dirt and fertility bracelet with me too.
Love you guys!!