Friday is the big day!

I just gave myself my trigger shot 14 minutes ago.
That means that in 36 hours I will be having my eggs retrieved.
The doctor said that I will likely have 9 eggs.
I was very disappointed when he told me this because a few days before things looked so much more promising.
The drop in my hormones certainly took a toll on my eggs.
My first reaction was to cancel the whole thing and try again some other time.
But then I was reminded that God has a plan.
And that we prayed that my cycle would be revived and it was.
I am going to put my faith in Him and see where this leads.

This is the part of my faith that I really struggle with.
I am not sure exactly how to lean or how hard to lean on God.
I completely believe that He has a plan for me and that I trust Him.
But I don't know if by trusting him I am supposed to whole heartedly believe this cycle will work.
Or if I am supposed to simply trust that in time I will see the big picture.
I don't want to assume too much.
I am not sure if that makes sense at all.
I wish there was a clear cut answer.
Maybe there is and I just don't know it.
If you do, please enlighten me.

In other news, Ryan's last check ride is on Wednesday.
I can't believe flight school is finally over!
It seems like we waited around forever and now it has just flown by.
I am so proud of him!!

Better news!

We just got back from my appointment with Dr. P and my levels are back up!
My follicles have grown as well.
He said that in his opinion we should proceed.
I am waiting for my other dr to call and get his opinion.
Dr. P said he thinks that we will now have our retrieval on Friday.

Thank you for all of your prayers!
And thank you for all of your love.

I see God working all around me.
I don't know if we will get pregnant this cycle.
But I do feel myself growing closer with Him.
And with all of you.
I have never felt so loved by my friends and family as I do these days.

No news is not always good news.

I just got an email from my Janette asking if no news was good news.
Unfortunately, in this situation it is not.
Yesterday we went for my day 11 ultrasound and the one that should have been my last.
And we got some very bad news.
My estrogen levels had dropped and my eggs were shrinking.
I was very, very upset and left the office crying.

The doctors decided to try to "revive" my cycle.
So last night and this morning I took a lot of medicine.
We are going back in at two today to see if it worked.

I allowed myself to have a complete break down for an hour yesterday but now I am at peace.
If the revival didn't work, there is nothing I can do.
So being depressed will do me no good.
I am not sure where we will go from here if we are canceled today but I am creative.
I'm sure I will think of something.

I didn't write down my numbers at the office yesterday so I have no report today.
I was in no shape to write.
I was pretty busy staring at my doctor and crying.

But I will post another blog today about what happens this afternoon.
Please keep us in your prayers today.

Day 9 update!

First of all I have to brag about the beautiful flowers I received when I came home from the doc's today.

Aren't the great? The roses are my very favorite part.

It looks like they are wearing lipstick!

Kari, Jordan and Clara sent them to me along with some really kind words.

You guys are the best!!

Now my boring room has some life.

The flowers have cheered me up so much that I opened all my blinds to let the sunlight in.

Usually I keep the room like a cave.

But not today.

:)

Now for the update about my ovaries.

Lining: 6.7

Left ovary: 13.9, 14.4, 17.4, 13.3, 15.5, 11.2, 18.4, 19.6, 14.6, 9.7
Right ovary: 11.7, 12.4, 13.2, 12.1, 13.6, 12.7,  12.5, 11.7
Estradiol: 1238


So as you can see my follicles have been going crazy over the past two days.
The woman who did my ultrasound said that if we harvested my eggs today I would have 12.
She set my retrieval for Wednesday unless something happens between now and my last ultrasound on Monday.
It is really starting to happen fast now!
My lining is thinner than it has been the past two ultrasounds but my nurse said its because everyone measures differently.
Since I have not been bleeding there is no way I have lost any so she said not to worry.
I will see what Dr.  P says it is when I go in on Monday.

I am going to take a little nap now.
I had to get up early to drive to Mobile for my appointment this morning.
Love you guys!

Thursdays results!

I went to see Dr. P again today for an ultrasound and blood work.
I did not have any trouble giving blood this morning and Kim the head nurse in the lab was very happy about that.
She says she has her eye on me.
Apparently I am a trouble maker, haha.

Here are my results from today:

Lining: 7.7

Left ovary: 12.8, 11.4, 12.0, 13.1, 12.7 and 6 <10
Right ovary: 12.3, 11.6, 10.0, 11.5 and 6 <10
Estradiol: 1070

I am just so pumped about my lining, it still is no where close to thick but it is doing really great!
My follicles are growing at a good pace according to Dr. P.
He slowed down my medicine agian today.
I am not sure if he is doing that because he doesn't want to work this weekend or if he wants to give my eggs time to mature.
I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Surely, he cares only for my eggs and not his social life.
My estradiol level went up but he never called to talk about it so it must be okay.

So there you have it.
In short, things are looking very good.
My stomach looks like there is a volleyball in it.
And my pants are no longer fitting properly.
Oh and my shots are really hurting these days.
I'm up to 3 per day, with the last shot of the day being the worst of all.
I dread bed time :(
But the results are more than enough to motivate me to push through.

I love you guys!

Results from yesterday.

I decided that my mind needed to be put to rest so I walked over to my doctors office today.
I found his nurse and she gave me all the info I needed.
So here it is:

Right Ovary: 11.1 and 6 follicles under 10.
Left Ovary: 10.0, 10.4, 9.9, 10.3 and 6 follicles under 10.
Uterine Lining: 6.4
Estradiol: 546

So basically.
My right ovary has one follicle that is growing much faster than the other but there are 7 total growing.
My left ovary has 4 big ones and 6 little ones but none are to be doubted. They could all grow large enough to retrieve.
So we are looking at a possibility of 17 eggs!! That is really great news!
They said they want 8-15 eggs for IVF so we are looking good!

My lining is already at 6.4 which is a miracle!
I have a lining problem.
This might not seem like a big deal but essentially if my lining is not thick enough they could put 1,000 eggs in there but none would grow because they have to implant and be nurtured by the lining.
So 6.4 is not fabulous but for me it is great. So I am thanking God for that!

And lastly, my estradiol is a tricky hormone.
If it gets too high my cycle will be canceled.
Right now it is right where it needs to be.
I am cycling with a woman that lives in the area.
We met up for breakfast last week and I called her to see how her appointment went.
She said he estradiol is already over 1400 and they are already talking about canceling.
Please send her a prayer.
Her name is Lisa and this is her 7th round of IVF.

I go back for another ultrasound tomorrow.
Then we will see how the medicine change has treated my ovaries.
I can't wait, this is all so exciting!

Love you guys!

Second ultrasound.

This morning I had my ultrasound scheduled for 10am.
I thought I would be an overachiever and go for my bloodwork beforehand since I was awake.
I got the lab at 9am and after waiting 40 minutes my name was called.
The young man who took my blood tied up both arms and proceeded to twist and jab my arms with his fingers.
After settling on the lesser of two evils, the right arm he got out the needle.
It stung longer than normal (as I am now a blood draw expert, thank you infertility).
When he got the second vial attached I lost feeling in my hand.
I was thinking that was super weird but whatever.
He said that the second vial "stopped".
So he whipped out vial three (though three were not needed).
And then that one "stopped" too.
Basically my arm stopped.
So he ran off to the back room to ask if he had collected enough blood for the test.
I guess they thought so because he came back and untied my arm.
I told him that I felt nauseous and he held a gigantic and full of lab trash trashcan to my head.
NIIIIICE. I thought and made a get that out of my face gesture.
He then decided he better prop my legs on the trashcan instead of my face.
Another woman came running with an ice pack that she held to various parts of my body.
She was talking but I couldn't hear her at first because my ears had stopped working.
Then someone shoved a juice box in my face and once I downed it like a fat kid my ears worked again.
She was asking my questions like "what is your name" and "where do you live"?
I was getting very irritated with her, couldn't she see I just wanted to be left alone.
HELLO I am having a crisis here.
The only answers she got was "why?????"
But she went on rambling questions while I tried to close my eyes.
She yelled at me to open them and I told her I needed a tissue.
At this point I am swimming in my own sweat.
No sauna has ever done a better job of giving pores exercise.
After she blotted my face and charged me with holding my ice pack to my chest I started to feel better.
By the end of my "spell" I had an audience of 6-8 people.
They all came to see the sweaty girl drink a juice box I guess.
After that I asked if they had any food for me and they sent me to the coffee stand down stairs for a bagel.

Yeah as you can tell, it was pretty dramatic.

But after that I went to get my ultrasound and when my doc came in I was eating a bagel on his exam table.
I bet I was the first person he ever saw that decided to eat while stripped from the waist down on a gyn exam table.
Anyway, he did the exam and he said I had four large follicles on my left ovary and one large one on my right.
He said this was looking very good.
As he is not someone who gives me the warm and fuzzies I asked no more.
I will wait for my nurse to call me tonight and I will interrogate her.
So if you are just on the edge of your seat about my ovaries you will have to check back later tonight for the complete update.

Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes today.
I brought my blessed dirt and fertility bracelet with me too.
Love you guys!!