In the wake of my breakdown.

So, I am sure that I worried some of you guys yesterday with my vague ovary hating post and my blatant refusal to answer questions.
I am sorry about that but it was just one of those days and I knew if I tried to talk about it I would just end up being a blabbering mess of sniffles and tears.
So anyway, here is the scoop.
As you know, last month I had a laparoscopy done and the only thing that was found was a little scar tissue that was then removed.
So all of my doctors agreed that everything both inside and outside of my uterus/ovaries looked good.
All that was left to do was wait for my next period.
So that time of the month comes and surprise, surprise no period.
So the Dr. gave me some pills to take for 10 days that would trick my body into starting.
And that worked. On Monday I started.
So I called my Dr. and he ordered four different medicines and had them shipped to my house to arrive by Wednesday.
Wednesday was my "day 3".
In the fertility world, day 3 is a big day.
It's the day you go in for bloodwork and an ultrasound and the official start of your medication cycle.
I like this day a lot because I get to start getting shots and taking medicine which makes me feel like I am actually doing something.
Anyway, after Decembers failed insemination, the Dr and I agreed to increase the meds and to add some more.
So I go in Wednesday morning for my bloodwork and ultrasound and I am so excited because everything is just coming together so well.
Ryan is on a hold so he will be able to attend all of my appointments and we don't have to stress about him having to miss school to do the insemination.
Then to top it off with a cherry, I get my very favorite ultrasound tech, Cybil.
She is awesome because she always explains what she is seeing and she is honest with me.
So we get to the room and she starts doing the exam and instantly I know something is wrong because its very painful.
She examines my right ovary and sees 28 tiny follicles, which is normal.
Then she goes to my left side and her face drops and I know what she is seeing before she even tells me.
There is a cyst.
She tries to comfort me and tells me that it is a really big one and in her professional opinion my doctor is going to cancel the cycle.
I get dressed again and wander back into the waiting room to get my bloodwork done, I know there is really no reason but some part of me always stays hopeful.
So I head home crying and crawl in bed to wait for my Dr. to call.
At 4 the nurse finally calls to tell me my cycle is officially canceled.
Just like that. All of my hopes that this was going to be the month are gone.
She tells me to start birth control pills this month and we will try next month.
What she doesn't realize is that Ryan is about to start school again and its just not possible to do treatments with him always at school.
So basically, I guess our baby making plans are on hold for a while.
It might sound strange but I would have much rather gotten to do a whole cycle and it not work then to not even get to try.
I am so heartbroken right now.
It just hurts so much.

Another sad day

This morning Ryan's grandmother passed away.
It's such a sad thing, I guess at least we have the comfort that Ryan got to say goodbye to her when we were home last week.
I am very thankful for that.
It is both a blessing and a curse when someone is so close to death.
On one hand, you are prepared and you get to say your goodbyes.
One the other hand, it is a form of torture. Thinking every moment could be the last.
I think I finally understand why so many people hope to pass away quickly in their sleep.
It's not so much for their own comfort but for the ones they love.

I went to the doctor today and had my post-op appointment with the woman who did my surgery.
She brought a laptop in and showed me pictures of my internal female anatomy.
She kept telling me how awesome everything looked but to me it was just nauseating.
Of course, I am thankful that everything is in working order but the inside of a human body is disturbing.
She also pulled the stitch out of my side.
It didn't rip my scar open and spill out my guts like I thought it would.
It actually just fell out with a good tug.

Tomorrow I am going to my very first Mary Kay party.
Not sure what to expect, I hope I don't get suckered into buying thing I don't need.

Well, that's all for now.

My house is finally clean..

Well, except for our bedroom. I STILL have not unpacked from our trip home.
I am a lazy bag of bones.
But.. there is always tomorrow.

Ryan found out that he will probably start his training on March 17.
Not quite the long hold that I was expecting, but I can't complain about getting out of Alabama.
I am really excited to see where we, and all of our friends get stationed next.
I really hope some of us will get to stick together.
Starting over from scratch, in the friends department is no fun at all.

I have been using my new pots and pans that my parents bought me for Christmas and they are awesome!
So awesome that I have been handwashing them every night.
And I NEVER hand wash anything.
Again, lazy!

I have been playing with my DS a lot.
I got a new brain game and it is really fun.
I love making my brain hurt from thinking so hard.
It's so entertaining that I am not even starting a new book.
I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Eh, I can't really concentrate, Ryan is watching Band of Brothers as loud as our TV will allow him.

Goodnight.

When it rains it pours.

Well, we are back from our trip to Oklahoma and we had a really good time.
We got to see everyone that we hoped to see and we got to eat a lot of yummy food.
All you guys back in Oklahoma just don't know how good you have it.
They just dont make food as well anywhere else.

We found out today that Ryan's grandma was moved to a hospice room at her nursing home.
From what we understand, this means that the end is near.
It really feels like bad things just never stop coming.
Just when we get over a hurdle, or sometimes, just as we are getting ready to jump over a hurdle something else goes wrong.
It feels like just a couple of months ago Ryan's papa passed away and now another grandparent.
I feel so bad for the family, I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a grandparent.
The only two that I have ever really known are still very much alive.
I can call them whenever I want and I just can't imagine having that taken away.

One positive though is that I got all of Robin's save the dates in the mail today, even though the post didn't run, at least they are there and will hopefully be taken with the early batch.
Also, Ryan got me a Nintendo DSi for Valentine's day and I got a cooking game that has over 245 recipes. I have already made two of them. Last night I made "stuffed tomatos from France" and tonight I made "spicy fried rice from Japan". It takes you through every step and even makes you a shopping list, pretty stinking cool!

Ryan cleaned the garage out today and it looks awesome! I wish I would have gotten the inside of the house clean but time flies. Maybe tomorrow right? After my weekly trip to the library, of course.

Okay, well I'm off to check out the Olympics.
The figure skating last night was awesome.

Update from the heartland

First of all, Dear John really disappointed me.
That was not the way it was written AND if you are going to change a story line you should improve it!!

So far since we have been in town we have accomplished a lot.
Of course, there is never enough time to do all of the things we would like to.
But we do our best.
We have seen three grandmas, one grandpa, two sets of parents, one sister, one aunt, various other distant relatives and a couple of friends. I hope to see at least one more friend while I am here, my favorite (Janette that would be you).

I can't believe this weather here. And really I don't like it. It was cool to see snow for the first time in a year but the bitter cold is no bueno.
We went out for an anniversary dinner last night with my MIL and DIL. Their 30th anniversary! I hope when Ryan and I have our 30th that our kids will be able to join us. What a cool way to celebrate!

Well, everyone is up in the house now. So I should probably stop talking to the computer.

Sunday night.

Ryan and I just got done with dinner.
I made a baked ziti recipe from my Rachael Ray cookbook.
I didn't think it was possible to make bad ziti, but I stand corrected.
It was really bland and yucky.
But we ate it because Ryan needs all the carbs he can get for his PT test tomorrow.

Once he is done with his PT test there is nothing left to do but wait.
Sometime in the coming week we will find out what he will be flying for the next 6 years.
Dun Dun Dun!!!!
Pretty exciting stuff, but if you ask me, any way it goes he still wins.
Like he told me a long time ago, even the very last guy who selects gets to fly a helicopter.

We went out to a birthday dinner of Friday night at the nicest restaurant in the area.
Which really isn't saying a lot but it is the place you would go for an anniversary.
There ended up being way too many people crammed in our private room.
Naturally, since it was mostly flight students it got a little rowdy in there.
No one seemed to mind though, and the food was decent.
I don't think we will be going back but the restaurant itself was beautiful.
It's an old hotel and there is dark wood work everywhere and soft lighting.
Very romantic, for sure.

Saturday we just hung around the house and read our books.
Ryan finished a book in two days, I think that is a record for him.
Apparently it was an awesome book because it was all he talked about this weekend.
It's really nice to lounge around and have Ryan not worried about a test the next day.
It was the first real Sunday we have had in a while.

Tomorrow after Ryan gets home from his run we are going to head to Dothan.
The library here doesn't have the books I want so hopefully they will.
Also I am dying to have some Thai noodle soup at the restaurant Ryan took me to last week.
Plus I found these really cool art projects in my Martha Stewart Craft book so I want to stop by Michaels.

Alright, time to go crawl into bed.

First day of hold.

I am so glad that Ryan is now on hold.
He ended up making an overall 92 on his checkride which is obviously awesome!
So now we just have to sit and wait until the Army is ready to tell us what he will fly for the rest of his career.

We took the dogs to Petsmart today to get baths because neither one of us was in the mood and they really needed it.
Duke came out with blood all over his foot because they had cut his nail.
Apparently they thought we would just take him home with blood dripping out of his claw and his white paw covered in blood.
Awesome! Way to go Petsmart!
Of course, we told them to wash it off and we wouldn't leave with it bleeding.
Now he is home, foot semi clean but he stinks like copper from the blood.
I am thinking I will call them tomorrow and request they bathe him again.

I took a couple of pics of the boys.
So here ya go.

Duke shanking my hand. What a good boy.

Devil Murphy protecting his new toy.

And back to work he goes.

Last night we went over to a friends house to celebrate the end of the initial training Ryan and his buddies went through. His wife made us dinner and she made this really yummy dessert so I took a picture. Its from Pampered Chef.

Anyway, other than the Petsmart problems we had a pretty good day today. Ryan took me to eat Thai food even though he hates it. But I really loved it. So I was a happy girl. Then we stopped by Ryan's stick buddies house to see how he was doing. Then Ryan for once went with me to go grocery shopping it was a lot more fun than going alone all of the time.

Okay I have to go finish making my jalapeno turkey breast.