In the wake of my breakdown.

So, I am sure that I worried some of you guys yesterday with my vague ovary hating post and my blatant refusal to answer questions.
I am sorry about that but it was just one of those days and I knew if I tried to talk about it I would just end up being a blabbering mess of sniffles and tears.
So anyway, here is the scoop.
As you know, last month I had a laparoscopy done and the only thing that was found was a little scar tissue that was then removed.
So all of my doctors agreed that everything both inside and outside of my uterus/ovaries looked good.
All that was left to do was wait for my next period.
So that time of the month comes and surprise, surprise no period.
So the Dr. gave me some pills to take for 10 days that would trick my body into starting.
And that worked. On Monday I started.
So I called my Dr. and he ordered four different medicines and had them shipped to my house to arrive by Wednesday.
Wednesday was my "day 3".
In the fertility world, day 3 is a big day.
It's the day you go in for bloodwork and an ultrasound and the official start of your medication cycle.
I like this day a lot because I get to start getting shots and taking medicine which makes me feel like I am actually doing something.
Anyway, after Decembers failed insemination, the Dr and I agreed to increase the meds and to add some more.
So I go in Wednesday morning for my bloodwork and ultrasound and I am so excited because everything is just coming together so well.
Ryan is on a hold so he will be able to attend all of my appointments and we don't have to stress about him having to miss school to do the insemination.
Then to top it off with a cherry, I get my very favorite ultrasound tech, Cybil.
She is awesome because she always explains what she is seeing and she is honest with me.
So we get to the room and she starts doing the exam and instantly I know something is wrong because its very painful.
She examines my right ovary and sees 28 tiny follicles, which is normal.
Then she goes to my left side and her face drops and I know what she is seeing before she even tells me.
There is a cyst.
She tries to comfort me and tells me that it is a really big one and in her professional opinion my doctor is going to cancel the cycle.
I get dressed again and wander back into the waiting room to get my bloodwork done, I know there is really no reason but some part of me always stays hopeful.
So I head home crying and crawl in bed to wait for my Dr. to call.
At 4 the nurse finally calls to tell me my cycle is officially canceled.
Just like that. All of my hopes that this was going to be the month are gone.
She tells me to start birth control pills this month and we will try next month.
What she doesn't realize is that Ryan is about to start school again and its just not possible to do treatments with him always at school.
So basically, I guess our baby making plans are on hold for a while.
It might sound strange but I would have much rather gotten to do a whole cycle and it not work then to not even get to try.
I am so heartbroken right now.
It just hurts so much.